Change

It's 2014 and I haven't posted anything since May 2013. Wow 2013, That's a big one for me. It was a year full of ups and downs. Right on down to the ending of the year and beginning of a new. 2013 I had a baby boy, Nate. He is such a cutie and sooo sweet. The whole time during my pregnancy I knew things would change I just wan't sure how much it would mess up things. After having him I left my job to be at home with him. I knew I would get another position with ease but I liked where I was. I was there for about 4 years so I didn't want a new job. Truthfully I was scared of the change. My whole life changed after having another kid. Change can be a scary thing. You can't stop it though, it happens everyday. Slow and subtle changes work best for me. Big changes make me nervous and anxious. I'm learning now to embrace change now but before it all seemed so overwhelming. I may still get nervous and scared, now I try not to dwell too long.

I'm learning from a mindfulness group to sit with my feelings and thoughts, even the ones I don't want to have, and realize they are just feelings. I am a very emotionally person at times so I have to learn not to let my emotions take over too much. I could ponder and worry and analyze and reanalyze a situation for hours or days. Worrying myself to death about something or someone I can't change. I would sit with hurt for hours when really the feeling should only be temporary. That horrible feeling I was so consumed could soon past, but only if I let it. Sit and dwell.... I tend to do that and most of the time it makes me really sad. I cry and hurt and cry and hurt. Why? Why continue to feel that hurt and stay in that sad place in my heart and mind. I'm learning to let it go. Just let it go and move on with life. The next hour, the next day, the next month that thing that hurt me probably won't even matter. I was making things way bigger than they should have been. Its okay to sit in your feelings and feel that hurt. Its part of being human and experiencing life. The ups and downs. Just remember there is always a way up and a way out. Life is beautiful, Life is a wonderful thing to experience. Go out and do just that, all of it. Bad good hurt joy love pain the ups and downs. Embrace the changes of the seasons, people, yourself. Nothing will remain the same. Nothing will last forever. Take in all you can now. This is what I'm learning and I'm enjoying this new journey of living in the present. Why dwell on the past? Right now is the only thing I can change. This very moment.